The first paragraph of this chapter sums up a few things I’ve been going through.

” The emotional pain associated with infertility is excruciating.  There’s the loneliness, the lack of control, stressed relationships,  sleep problems, sexual dysfunction, waiting to hear from the Dr’s office, delayed decisions, career stagnation, withdrawal from family and friends, debt, insurance hassles, unending and invasive exams,medically induced emotional swings, daily trips to the lab…….punctuated each month with ‘I started my period.’ ‘

I don’t like to moan about these things and I don’t know if people get tired of hearing me talk about our fertility issues.  Some times I feel like they are all-consuming.  I’ve put off blogging about this for a long time.  In the beginning I didn’t want to talk about it, and I often feel like I’m alone in this.  When in fact there are a lot of people who have gone though what I am going through.

The hardest part is when your friends around you or just people you hear of, fall pregnant.  I am so happy for them and extremely excited, but a little part of me just wants to die.  I hate that I feel like that and it makes me even more depressed.  I can’t explain it and I think you only understand it when you are going through infertility.  I wish I didn’t feel like that, but I guess im just human and that’s part of our sinful nature,only with God’s love and grace can you get through it.

We’ve just done an amazing series at our church called The Waiting Room by Jeff Henderson.  It was amazing.  I felt like he was talking to me.  I had already gone through a lot of the grieving stages ( Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Mourning and acceptance)  I’m in the acceptance stage.  Not to the point where I’d be fine with not having any kids, I’m in the stage where I know God has a plan and it will happen in his timing and his timing is perfect.  Me knowing all of this doesn’t make it any easier.  I still struggle with it everyday and just have to surrender it over to God.

Jeff said we must not wait on WHAT and WHEN,but we must wait on GOD.  He said a great quote” When I don’t know what to do my hope is not what or when but WHO!”

Hearing this sermon made me question whether going for fertility treatment was me trying to control the situation, but even with havin the treatments it still is up to God when he will bless us with a baby or 2

So I’m choosing Gods plan.

We have  been trying for a baby for almost 2 years now, and I was just about to give up on asking God what his plans were for our lives when we came across this house in Pinelands that we actually both liked.  Gareth and I have such different tastes, and we had been to look at a few places and whenever I just LOVED the house he would absolutely HATE the house.  I was starting to wonder if we would ever actually find a place that we both liked.

I was so nervouse to hear what Gareth thouht of this new place.  After we had had a look I turned to him and said,”What do you think?”  He said,”I love it!”  and I was like, “I LOVE IT TOO!!!!!”  I couldn’t believe it.  We decided to think about it.  We knew these houses go like hot cakes so whatever we decided it needed to be a quick decision.  We took the moms to have a look and the house got their stamp of approval  We told the estate agent that we’d like to make an offer.

That evening we went out for my friends birthday and I chatted to her parents about the place.  They were the ones that had told us about the house coming onto the maket.  Her dad is really clued up on property and we didn’t know what to make our opening offer.  Her dad gave us some advice about if we were making an offer with our hearts or with our heads.  Our hearts wanted this house!  Her mom told us to go home and pray for the place together.  I told her that we don’t pray together,we just feel awkward praying together.  She firmly said,” Go home and pray together.”  I wasn’t going to argue anymore.  When we got into bed I said to Gareth, “We have to pray for our house.”   He made one of his “Do I have to?” grunts, and I said, “Yes, Karen said we must.”  That night we prayed that God may open and close doors, and if we were meant to have this place then he would make things go smoothly.  And if it wasn’t part of his plan, then we would be disappointed, but we know that he would have another idea for us.  And we were fine either way.

Wow! What a connection we felt after praying together.  It was amazing. It brings a new meaning to 2 become 1.

We put in our offer and the agent came back to us and said he can’t believe it, the guy just wanted 10 000 more and he would accept.  We were so excited and couldn’t believe it.  We thought we’d be negotiating for ages.  Everything that happened next was just a miracle.  My mom had to get 2 years of my business financial up to date.  Which she did in a weekend.  We found tenants for our flat and moved out within a weekend.  And we got a 90% bond at 0.25% below prime.  And we got to keep our other house.

This answer to prayer has been a saving grace.  Just when I thought God wasn’t listening. I’ve been encouraging all my friends and our community group to pray together.  It is such a wonderful bond. We pray every night together.  God may not have answered our prayer about a baby,but thats ok.  He has a plan and even though we don’t understand why he hasn’t blessed us with children yet, we trust that he has it all sorted out.

Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children  is enough.

Q :  I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes  university.

Q :  What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s  sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and  so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your  question?

Q :  My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour,  but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a cyclone might  be called an air current.

Q: When is the best  time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q :  Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife  is in labour?
A: Not  unless the word ‘child support payment’ means anything to you.

Q: Is there  anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes,  pregnancy.

Q :  Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s nappy very  quickly

Q :  Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act  normal again?
A:  When the kids are in university.

‘OESTROGEN ISSUES’

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE

‘OESTROGEN ISSUES’

1. Everyone around you  has an attitude problem.
2. You’re adding chocolate  chips to your cheese omelette.
3. The dryer has shrunk  every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly  agreeing to everything you say.
5. You ‘re using your  mobile phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: ‘How’s my  driving-call 0800-’.
6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation  to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have  just landed here from ‘outer space.’
9. You’re sure that  everyone is scheming to drive you crazy..
10. The Nurofen Plus  box is empty and you bought it yesterday..

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY

WOMEN  UNDERSTAND
10. Cats’ facial expressions.
9.  The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why  bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a  car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5.  The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash  curlers.
2.. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale  ever made.

AND, the Number  One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

We started off at the coffee tasting.  How it works is you get a list of coffee’s they have to offer.  You can choose as many as you like.  You can have them as a espresso, cappuccino or just as a normal coffee.  They can tell you all about roasting th coffee and they can show you as well.  You don’t have to buy the coffee, but we did.  These 2 were my favourite ones.

Organica

El Tambio & Timbio

Cauca, Columbia

Very good acid balance

Certified organic relationship coffee

Nutty, tobacco, jasmine and honey scent with hints of smokey ripe berries

Terranova

Upper Kaleya Valley

Zambian Highlands

Full Bodied

Nutty cocoa finish with subtle layers of citrus, stone fruit and tea-like tannins

Julie and Wendy

We then went to the wine tasting area, where some of the people did the tasting.  You pay R15 if you want to taste, but if you buy a bottle your tasting is for free.  You get a list of which you must choose 5 wines to taste.

Waiting for the wine to arrive

Wendy, Kelly and Lara

Gareth enjoying the wine

Donie and Shef

Then the cheese came.  We all just shared a platter cos they had run out of biscuits.  That cost R55.

Then once all th cheese and wine was finished we chose our chocolates.  You pay R35 for the tasting.  With that you get to choose 3 truffles, you get a 70% dark chocolate, a 60% dark chocolate, a milk chocolate and a white chocolate.  You also get a dark and a milk chocolate shot glass filled with their honey liqueur.

Afterwards we went for a walk to see the property.

Kelly, Lara, Julie, Wendy, Amy

Oh just noticed all the dates on the pictures are wrong.  It was 6/2/2010